How To Change Your Self Talk

repetative self talk

 

Whenever there has been something in my life that I was not happy with and wished to change, I have found the one thing that has helped me to make that change has been immersing myself in new thoughts.  That meant consistently, every day for a while, keeping that thing out in front of me.

 For instance, when I was trying to change  persistent, negative self talk, the first thing I would do is write out that negative thing, and on paper, challenge myself.  Is it really true?  Where did it come from? Do I really want to believe it?  Must I believe it? What could I change it to?  And I would create my own positive affirmation!  For instance,  my belief that “I don’t matter” became simply “I Matter!”, in capital letters and complete with exclamation marks!

 The next thing I would do  is place post it notes with my  more positive version where I would most likely see them on a consistent basis.    And I would seek out positive quotes that reminded me that yes, I DO matter!  And every time I caught myself telling myself I did not matter, I would put my hand up and say out loud – “STOP IT!  Yes, I DO matter!”

After a while of being consistent with these small things, my beliefs about my self worth began to change dramatically.  And I used this technique over and over because I was trying to create new neural pathways in my brain…which IS entirely possible!

So, if you have something you are trying to change, keep it out there in front of you.  Persistence (without guilt, shame, or beating yourself up!) really does work.  

The Symptoms of Disconnection with our Self

self worth

There was a time, not that many years ago, when I was far, far from my self.  What do I mean by that, you ask?  I mean that I did  not know who I was.  I was disconnected from my own body, and worse, from my spirit.  I did not know how to do self-love.  And  I did not want to think about self-love, either.  Because when I did, I felt guilty.  Or ashamed.

What does it feel like to be so disconnected?  Well, it feels like everyone, everything, is more important than us.  If feels like it’s not ok to spend time thinking about or planning for our own wants and desires.  It feels like life is just a happenstance – we have no control over what our life looks like or what happens to us.   And it’s also very, very hard to decide anything for our self – because we are constantly looking outside of our self for someone to validate us as worthy enought to even be on this planet.

I spent many years without having any opinions or thoughts of my own!  And living life was like being tossed back and forth in a hurricane – because my thoughts and feelings would change like the weather.  Why was that?  I believe that happens to many of us because we are not in touch with that guiding voice within our selves – that voice that knows which way to go.  That voice that tells us that we can do it…whatever it is.

With my feelings of not having control of my life, there came a deep sense of overwhelm and hopelessness in just about everything I did.  And anyone that has experienced these two things in their lives knows that it’s almost impossible to get much done when in that state of being.  Since I believed I had no control anyhow, I was unable to do the things I wanted to do – like eat healthily or exercise – because I would always start out with the idea that I was going to fail.  And, fail, I did.  Over and over and over again.    There’s a saying that if you believe you can’t….you are right!

How, then, do we find our ‘selves’?  One thing I learned is that still, small voice cannot be heard unless we take the time to listen.  And it will not be heard above the din of life.  Life today is so noisy and busy!  And I believe that part of the way we lose our selves is being over-busy, over-booked, and over-whelmed by trying to keep up with things we feel we ‘should’ be doing….

One small step we can take is to find five minutes in our day to sit quietly, close our eyes and concentrate on our breathing.  This is a very simple, easy to learn way to meditate.  Follow your breath in – breathe that fresh oxygen deeply into your stomach.  Then follow your breath out – breathing all the way out, releasing toxins as you go.  And repeat.  You might find your mind wandering, and that’s ok.  When it does, just gently bring your thoughts back to your breath.

Meditating is one way we can begin to find our way back.  And five minutes a day is a good place to begin.  In doing this, we are doing one small thing to honour that voice within us, and help it to begin to believe it is safe to be heard.

Because, we can’t keep living for others, no matter what the popular religions tell us.  We must learn to live connected to our selves, before we can do any real good in the world.  If we are living from a state of overwhelm or resentment, how is that going to help us or anyone else?

till next time…