But… What About Me?

best for me

What is the cost to you to say (and mean) these words?   How much guilt, or trepidation, or shame, or discomfort is associated with these words for you?

What IS best for you?  Do you know?  Oftentimes we are so far from our authentic selves that we don’t even know what we want – or what is best!

That was most certainly my experience!  I didn’t even have a thought to call my own!  I looked outside myself for every sort of validation.  I did not believe the answers were already inside me…

But, as I began to take the tiniest babysteps, I began to hear that voice within, and not just hear it, but I began to allow myself to believe it held the answers I needed.  That’s when change began to happen…

Here are a few ideas to help.  Make (and decide to keep) one small promise to yourself.  It has to be small – small is the only way to begin to uncover your true self.  That true self has been hiding from you, because you do not believe she exists or you have been giving your power away to others for years, so you really don’t believe you have any power to call your own!  So, in order to help her trust you again, you need to start small.

What’s one tiny promise you can make?  Perhaps..today I intend to write in my journal for 5 minutes.  Or, today I intend to stop for half an hour to do something I want to do.  Or, today I intend to take a 10 minute walk. Or, today I intend to get to bed on time.

Make that one tiny promise and keep it.  Tomorrow, make another (or the same one!)  The important part of this exercise is that you place enough value on yourself to keep One Tiny Promise to yourself each day.  Make it an intention.  This is how that true part of yourself will begin to believe you mean it – you want to find her.

And,  no beating up on yourself allowed!  If you don’t keep that promise today, make it again tomorrow. You WILL get there.  Babysteps are a very powerful catalyst for change.

Setting Intentions – “Today I Choose…”

intention

 

I’ve been reading, for years, and years, and years…just how important it is to live life intentionally.  And it has only been in the past few years that I’ve actually begun to do it. (Ok, slow learner, sometimes!)

But what an incredible difference it has made in my life!  I’ve gone from feeling like life just happens to I can make life happen – the way I want!  And while I don’t believe we can ultimately have control of everything in this life, I have begun to believe that I have far more say in how my life turns out than I ever believed.

It’s easy to say ‘I’ve gotta do that”, or “I need to spend more time” or “I’m going to treat myself better...sometime”.  And more often than not, sometime becomes never.  Unless we specifically set a time, or a place; unless we be intentional about making that ‘thing’ whatever it is, happen, most likely it never will.  And what ends up happening, when we break promises to ourselves, is we stop believing that we have any power over our lives at all.

So, what one intention will you set today that will make your life better – that will in some way honor you?  Set one, speak it out into the universe, and do it!  I dare ya!

The Journey – by Mary Oliver

Sometimes,  in choosing time for self care we are actually saving ourselves…

Poetry 
By 
Mary Oliver
The Journey
 
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice–
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do–
determined to save
the only life you could save.

Take Time For You..,

daily love

Why is it so difficult for a good many of us to take time……just for ourselves?  How did it become so wrong in our society?  What causes us to do everything for everyone else,  before we give ourselves even a tiny thought? (If we give ourselves that tiny thought!)

And, thing is, even if we have extra time nowadays, we fill those moments with gadgets.  Cell phone, tablets, laptops, computers…sometimes I think it’s almost as if there’s a conspiracy somehow to keep us from actually stopping long enough to check in with ourselves.

I don’t know the answers to those questions.  I can make some guesses, though.  Our upbringing, our religions, just being a woman can do it!  We women in particular have learned that everyone else’s needs must always come before our own.    But there’s a major problem with that belief.  We are being robbed of our best – and not only us – but those around us as well!   We cannot give from a full place if we’re empty!  That is what we need to learn.  And when we have learned that, many of us will still need to give ourselves permission to ‘dive into self care’.  Because it can be scary to give yourself that time, that space – especially  when we’re not used to doing it.  It can feel awkward, even.  Downright uncomfortable!

One small step toward honoring your self today:  Turn off your cell phone/computer/tablet for one entire hour.  Find a cozy corner and start that book that you’ve been wanting to read.  Or make yourself a cup of tea and gaze out the window.  Try. Doing. Nothing.  For one hour – without guilt.

We owe it to ourselves to care enough to choose good things….just for us.  Who is the world to tell us we don’t deserve it?  And why do we listen?

5 Small Steps You Can Take Today To Honor Your Self

babysteps

 

Five Small Steps

1.  Look into your own eyes in a mirror.  Tell yourself “I Love You.  You Are Enough!” Do this, morning and night.  Don’t think it’s dumb.  It isn’t.  It’s powerful.

2.  Hug yourself.  In our society today, there is not enough hugging, in my opinion.  Sometimes there’s no one around to hug!  So, Hug. Yourself. It might feel awkward at first.  Keep doing it.  Soon it will feel awesome.

3.  Say NO.  The world won’t disappear if you say NO.  But, YOU might feel a whole lot better.

4.  Go to bed on time.  The house doesn’t have to be perfect.  Facebook will still be there tomorrow.  Your body needs sleep in order to heal itself.  Give it some – preferably lots!

5.  Journal.  Find 10 minutes at the beginning of the day, or at the end, to journal how you feel, or about your day.  This is NOT a to-do list!  Spend some time free-writing.  Don’t worry about structure, or spelling, or any of that – this is for your eyes only.   Don’t use a computer.  It’s just not the same.  There is something powerful in the (hand) written word.  Trust me. Journal writing helped change my life.

Try these 5 small things today.  Your ‘self’ deserves to be honored in this way, and in many other ways, which we’ll talk about as we continue…